Thursday, July 16, 2009

The Love-Life Patterns of Marilyn Manson

I was reading a review of the RockStar Mayhem Tour over at the blog of my friend Jamie ( yesterday, and she was talking about Marilyn Manson, the tour's headliner this year, and she mentioned seeing what she thought was MM's new girlfriend, alt-porn star Stoya. This got me to thinking about the love life of one Brian Hugh Warner, and I noticed two emergent patterns:

1.) He prefers thin, pale, presumably damaged brunette goth-girls.

2.) His pattern has been (so far) ingenue - adult entertainer - ingenue - adult entertainer

Let's explore this further, shall we? First on the docket is actress Rose McGowan, who was engaged to MM, but they never married, and their relationship only lasted about two years and change. According to various reports, McGowan was the inspiration for the song/character "Coma White" from the MM album Mechanical Animals, and the breakup of this relationship is rumored to be the inspiration of the song "(s)AINT" from the Golden Age of Grotesque album a few years later. McGowan was still a relative newcomer to acting at this time, and was only 24 or so when she and MM hooked up. So that definitely would make her an ingenue.

According to MM's Wikipedia profile there was a girlfriend between McGowan and our next subject, burlesque perfomer Dita von Teese (born Heather Sweet), but Wikipedia had nothing of note on one Michelle Greenberg. von Teese would wind up being MM's only wife, and their engagement lasted longer than the wedding, with a factor towards its demise being MM's extramarital affair with subject number three..... a then nineteen-year-old Evan Rachel Wood. According to various media outlets, the two dated for almost two years. Wood = ingenue actress, and damn near jailbait. And now we have Stoya, an outright, unashamed alt-porn star. A quick search of IMDb and its adult-film counterpart AMDb didn't reveal much, not even Stoya's real name. "Stoya" is her childhood nickname, a shortening of her last name, likely Stoyanovic or something like that, given that her father - presumably - is of Serbian descent. That's all I could really find out. That, and that Stoya is currently twenty-three.

Given his personal preferences, and the average length of his relationships, the Scientific Method says that a hot young ingenue should be hitting his radar in about two years or so. A potential candidate could be Emma Watson (Hermione from the Harry Potter films), though she'd need a good gothing-up first, and may already be way too smart for him. A similar ingenue, though a singer instead of an actress, would be Paramore singer Hayley Williams, but her being a Christian would likely bother Manson too much. And neither of them seem damaged to me. I'd suggest Chyler Leigh, the Grey's Anatomy actress that got cozy in a hot tub with Manson in the video for his cover of the 80's chestnut "Tainted Love" (for the soundtrack of Not Another Teen Movie, which she starred in), but she's been married since 2002 and has three kids with her husband. Certainly not Manson's speed there. Megan Fox is a possibility, but she'd need to lose that tan tout-suite, and may be too old by then (she's 23 as of this writing). If MM was to be looking for a cute but already slightly creepy ingenue who'd probably love to dye her hair black, he'll just have to wait about two-and-a-half years, until February 23, 2012.

That's Dakota Fanning's eighteenth birthday.

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